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French or Foe?: Getting the Most Out of Visiting, Living and Working in France

French or Foe?: Getting the Most Out of Visiting, Living and Working in France

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About this book

Let's face it: the French have gotten a bad rap. Mention that you're considering a trip to France and everyone will warn you about rude waiters, supercilious shopkeepers, and snooty concierges who won't give you the time of day--and worse, pretend not to understand your high-school French. Not so, says Polly Platt, author of French or Foe?; "The French are generous, exhilarating friends," but they are different--wonderfully so. The trick to getting along in France is understanding the culture and learning to accept it on French terms instead of your own. Though the book is designed primarily for people who will be living or working in France for extended periods, the lessons Platt teaches about manners, attitudes, and culture are invaluable for even those visitors just passing through.

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Reviews by readers

A pretty and useful biased book from the biggest snob-wannabe in the world

The book is useful, but Polly Platt (PP) is said to be a discriminatory person in details other reviewers have showed. Let's see its bias and advantages.

PP does mention several French flaws, as she had to. Next, she explains their behaviors. Well, this is a difficult issue. The problem is PP does approve the French flaws and eventually shows them as virtues when she explains them. She did side with the French properly claiming that right and wrong definitions change from nation to nation or person, what we need to accept in order to get along with other people. Nevertheless many times we all can agree what is right and what is wrong. For example, customers are not the ones who must strive to be nice in stores; it's the clerks who have to. PP showed that almost any contact with Frenchs is a big deal, especially when employees have too many rights and they can abuse, this is simply wrong, even when they are very helpful if we do beg; besides they -or one sometimes- feel obligated to buy. People should quit their travels over there but they won't, so let's continue.

Now, regardless of these wrong-right issues, the rest of readers simply have to use PP's advice and watch out their manners really big in France as she suggests. She also explains other details or behaviors that are normal in France and offensive in USA, and vice versa. For example, French (and Latins in general) don't care about keeping space apart between people or cars, they can park their cars so close to each other. Some or many anglos get really upset with this behavior. But on the other hand, French do care about not being loud which many Anglos seem to enjoy so much. Perhaps PP forgot to mention that many Anglo women (usually pretty and white) hate to be stared at, better stay away from them. But PP did well in mentioning that French do use to stare at each other rather frequently.

PP uses a lot of pet sociology, or explains social science in easy ways; both things happened. Many times she does great jobs, like talking about how the French and most of the world see life as a whole while the Anglos -and related- just see it by pieces. A few times she didn't explain herself well, like when she said that French think on circles. I never well understood it, other than French like using round tables for meetings. Other times the analysis were just flawed, like an American poking fun at people complaining of the French rudeness when in NY he saw terrible crimes and violence. Criminals can only be compared with criminals and normal folks with normal folks. If the real issue is higher crime in Paris than in NY, think twice.

How to raise children is a topic where right and wrong is controversial. PP gave a huge preference for the French stating that they usually grow up sane because their parents follow the experience of their old culture. Well, the French ways are so different from the American ones, than in order to defend the French she had to support them too much, to the point of praising insane social competitions from rich people where she also takes part. PP did mention a big parent's failure, teaching their children the typical job dream is being a bureaucrat. Yet, PP made a very detailed, illustrative (even blunt) description of the French raising ways which are very rude to many foreigners.

PP praised too much the elite French schools, she covered a whole chapter. This is a topic off the mark for most folks around just because virtually nobody goes to elite colleges. Anyway, it's a waste of time arguing which schools are better for this book and review purposes. Anyway, fantasizing is a pleasure. Other than this, she showed again her very detailed and illustrative writing style to describe the rest about education in France. For example she described how teenagers get into different schools according to their achievements. The section is a highly recommended chapter for exchange college students and parents with children, teenagers. Someone didn't recommend it the book to youth, I do.

By the way, according to a French employer's poll reported in Businessweek (don't remember the issue), employers claimed that an important reason not to hire college grads is lack of practical skills. PP is thrilled about the theoretical French education, but it doesn't work in real life. If some French don't believe me, tell her you are a math master and ask her a job in her agency.

As for the unavoidable topic, the language, not all French people are experts on it. PP well states how much French love it or get obsessed about it. However she hasn't noticed that many of them also commit mistakes. The magazine The Economist well mentioned once (sorry, issue forgotten again) that the French government tried to hide some polls or stats showing many French people with low education levels. I myself saw it in USA when one American turned to know some things better than a French girl, typical French (yes white, blonde, middle class, etc). I described this girl because the PP's type readers will think she was from foreign and poor background. One reviewer said that they didn't poke fun at him, they don't they just ignore you or make bad faces. Yet, PP still encourages visitors to speak French because they will also find great people. That's true.

As PP's views of Americans can be controversial. Maybe PP has been for too long in France, maybe she left USA too early, and maybe more situations didn't let her know her own country too well. Some examples:

-A great customer service is not always available. I lived in USA and I saw the customer service was not always so good, one time was simply naughty. It's not only me who can claim this problem. There was some media attention right when I came to USA (2001) about this in Reader's Digest and USA Today with its classical statistics. Yet, their service may still be good in general.

-You can't say whatever you want in the job places as PP said when telling the story of some French employees working temporarily in USA in order to learn to speak up. PP herself well wrote that the bosses have great authority in USA, while the employees have no many rights and can be fired at anytime.

PP also says that Americans normally smile when visiting France and get ugly experiences when the French don't smile back. You don't smile when you visit poor countries like mine, Mexico. Here, it's the opposite, locals smile and you look like deaths. You should reconsider why and who you smile to.

In conclusion, the book sides with the French and is very conformist. Nonetheless, it still is useful because of PP's writing style. Being objective is not necessarily too important. This is not a book to promote France improvement (not our job), but to enjoy it. Many reviewers have stated from their own experiences, facts not top argue about. I have also found her advice true. Her book is aimed just at rich people as other reviewers well said, but it can used for many more folks in these times of hyper-sensitity. Conservatives poke fun or complain about liberal's "political rightouness" where you've got to watch every word you say but this group can also be very sensitive. Both groups could benefit from this book which is also about dealing with difficult people and situations which exist everywhere. It might be YOU who's the difficult person and have a lot to apologize for. PP'll give you ideas how to apologize and get away. PP herself mentioned that her techniques worked in USA sometimes (and would virtually anywhere). She's basically about begging, but with style.

How not to understand France

Written by a pinch-nosed social climbing snob who loves to describe her Parisian haut monde acquaintances, this essay is about as accurate a depiction of the French and French life as a Thomas Wolfe novel about New York city's upper crust.
Some of the observations, of course, are pertinent, such as the way people look at you. Some are absurd, such as the observation that the Fench don't smile.
I have been treated with helpfulness, kindness and respect by the French for more than 50 years. Ms. Platt has lost scads by not permitting herself to know the French.

Outdated and not all that practical for the middle class. . .

I bought this book before we moved to France in 2004. The only edition I could find was the 2nd one. Granted, the new 3rd edition has come out, which I hope contains some corrections, but in the 2nd edition (written in the late 1990s) lists Mitterand as the President (still!) and Jaques Chirac as the Mayor of Paris. Considering this had changed several years before the 2nd edition came out, it made me question what other outdated information was in the book.

When I first read through the book, I thought it was excellent. I honestly thought it was going to prepare me for life in Paris. It certainly freaked me out completely, and I thought for sure we were going to be completely lost in this "proper" world with rallyes, snobby dinner parties, and having to forge close relationships with the cashiers at our local grocery store.

Our son attends Maternelle, which is where Polly Platt says a "rigorous and demanding" education begins. Not true!! I was actually afraid to send him to a school where teachers would talk down to him and force him to sit still for hours. Instead, his teacher is the sweetest woman, and the children spend their days painting, learning songs, reading, and playing. . .much like an American pre-school. In addition, whenever my son says "Bonjour Madame" to a woman in the store or on the street, they are always surprised, and quick to praise both of us. It is not something that is common, and children at the age of 2 (unlike stated in the book) do not usually do this.

After living in France for two years, I picked this book back up, and was frustrated with the poor advice. Polly Platt truly envisions herself as part of the upper crust of Parisian society, and most of her advice is ridiculous, at best.

I was teaching English at a local school, and tried to use the phrases Polly Platt has scattered around her book, such as "mal �lev�" and "bien �lev�." I was greeted with blank stares from my students who understood the words, but didn't quite grasp the concept. It wasn't an automatic given, as Ms. Platt likes to make it seem. Furthermore, on the playground, children come up to my son (a "stranger") and ask to play with him all the time -- something Ms. Platt claims will never happen due to the French pressures to be "bien �lev�"

I gave the book two stars, because some of the advice is true. The French do have to be handled carefully, but most of this is common sense. Many Americans do not travel frequently, but one of the first international destinations on everyone's list is Paris. It can be disorienting to a traveler to come into a new culture, and I think this is why a lot of the misunderstandings occur. The rules aren't the same, but they are in no way as strict as is made out in "French or Foe." Nor should travelers be in the habit of rudely demanding anything from anyone, no matter where they go. I would say to the majority of people, this is common sense.

I have never shaken hands with a French person, unless I was the one who initiated it. Even in places of business, you will find people doing "la bise." One (French) friend of mine even took to feigning constant colds to get out of doing "la bise" with one of her co-workers who she didn't like all that much. I'm sure there are many situations where this is not appropriate, but it is very doubtful the average American coming to Paris will be shaking hands with the French all day long.

As other reviewers have already mentioned, the French make mistakes in their own language. Much like English has evolved, French is evolving. It is not spoken perfectly an precisely, especially by the younger generations. Dropping the "ne" in a negative sentance is quite common, turning "Ce n'est pas" into "C'est pas." Their language is protected with pride, but not quite as fiercly as Ms. Platt likes to claim.

All in all (because this review is now a monster), it's an okay book if you want a little overview of French culture, as well as some of the differences you might encounter here. However, take every piece of advice with a grain of salt, and remember that the majority of what is written on the pages of "French or Foe" will not be applicable to you.

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